Miss Shawna (shajuana) wrote,
Miss Shawna
shajuana

reviewing the past and other random thoughts

sometimes i wonder how different things could have been. life goes on and i feel left behind. random. i can't believe the overwhelming loneliness i feel every now and again. by all rights i SHOULDN'T ever feel this way. i find myself wanting to go back in time maybe this is regret? maybe this is fear? of now, of what was, of the future? i've been reading for the last hour or so reflecting on things how things could have been different. i'm not really even sure now what my conclusion is although i think whats bothering me are things i never said. and things i always was.

i've changed alot. too much. i think i may have lost myself somewhere along the way. i was brave, the bad girl always up for a good time. who am i now? i'm meek i never speak my mind i'm afraid i cower who the fuck is this person? its not the me i remember. its not the me i want to be. maybe i grew up who the fuck knows.

why am i even writing in lj? a cry for attention, nah not at all i know what it is even if my fingers and the keyboard are lying to me. it was because i had to clear the air. get it off my chest. the things i found reminded me and i never said it before even if it's now not directly to you. you'll know it's you. others may even think its them but its not YOU will know it's you. i'm sure you won't mention it though.

i'm sorry i hurt you. i'm sorry i never said it. i'm sorry.

i always loved you.
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  • 2 comments
oh i've been down this road too... i think part of it is having grown up, but part of it might be something you've still got to figure out. you SHOULD be happy, but if you aren't then you have to really take a look at why, i guess.

whatever i'm here if you need me woman <3
"life goes on and i feel left behind. random. i can't believe the overwhelming loneliness i feel every now and again."
Could any hell be more horrible
than now
and real?